please do not disrespect the moon
7 years ago with 440,662 notes
getting eliminated on chopped vs cutthroat kitchen
- ted allen: i'm so sorry, chef, you've been chopped. be well. do you need anything? a cup of coffee? a ride back to the hotel? here's my number, call day or night. i'm so proud of you and i hope you are never sad again.
- alton brown: give me back my fUCKING MONEY
7 years ago with 41,825 notes
callout post for myself
- never sleeps when I need to
- cries at anything
- fakes positivity
- spends money impulsively
- requires constant validation
- clumsy, can’t go a day without spilling something
- laughs at own unfunny jokes
7 years ago with 478,900 notes
me as a pilot
me: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have an announcement to make but first you have to promise not to get mad
7 years ago with 532,325 notes
Chopped but every time someone is eliminated the judges sing an Oompa-Loompa style song about what they did wrong
7 years ago with 225,898 notes
*in a movie*
- main guy: hey, how are you?
- his dream girl: i'm a plot device, so it doesn't really matter, how are you?
- main guy: *monologues*
7 years ago with 164,028 notes